Monthly Madness
by MouHitoriNoKei
Summary: Monthly stories about MalikXRyou battling holidays together! February up!
1. January: Martin Luther King Day

Welcome to the premier of 'Monthly Madness'. This is 1 of 12 stories that I will be posting throughout the year, one for each month, one of the month's holidays/special events being used. And, these stories are staring my favorite yaoi pairing of RyouXMalik! January is up and in time for the end of the month...thank Ra I got it done in time. So, please, enjoy 'Monthly Madness' 1!! 

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DISCLAIMER: I do no own Yu-Gi-Oh, Malik, Ryou, or any of their sexual acts...damn it all...

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Monthly Madness 1

January 2004

Martin Luther King Day

Ryou flipped through a newspaper, brushing his ashen locks from his auburn eyes. Many of the articles in the paper that day spoke of Martin Luther King Jr., the courageous man who fought for the rights of the African Americans. Ryou read these articles over and over, indulging in the tidbits of information he gained from the papers. Suddenly, the ashen haired one was torn away from his enlightening reading, only to be tackled by a rambunctious blonde with childish violet eyes. 

"Ryou!" Shrieked the blonde, placing sloppy kisses along his lover's cheek. Ryou giggled faintly and pushed the blonde off gently, un wrinkling his newspaper. 

"Hey, Malik." Replied Ryou calmly, continuing to flip through the black and white pages. "How was your nap?" 

The Egyptian only nodded with a goofy grin, perching himslef on the arm of the chair his lover sat in. "Whatcha readin'?" He stretched out the syllables as if he were a child, reading the slurred text over his shoulder. 

"An article."

"On what?"

"Something."

"RY RY! Tell me!" Malik whined, clinging to Ryou's arm. The ashen haired one sighed playfully and ran his fingers through Malik's thin blonde hair. 

"Today's Martin Luther King Day, Malik. It's an article on his life and what he did to help the African Americans achieve their goal of equality amongst the white men." 

Malik only looked to Ryou with a perplexed look streaked across his tanned face. "Martin Luscious who?"

The ashen haired one chuckled and went into a full, 20 minutes lecture on who Martin Luther King was and pointed out all his successions and why this holiday is a time of celebration for the African American community, for it gives them a time to thank the brave man for fighting for their rights. The tan one only tilted his head, suddenly blurting out.

"Wait, this guy's last name was king, right?" Ryou nodded and Malik fumed. _Why does he get to be a king and I don't?! He was kinda like the king of saving the African Americans...so why can't I be king of something? This sucks! I wanna be a king, too! This Martin Luscious guy isn't the only one who can pull it off! _Without warning, Malik retreated off into his bedroom as Ryou watched him, wide eyed and slightly puzzled. 

"Maybe I inspired him so much that he's off to study more about him..." He continued reading, unaware of what the Egyptian was planning...

About half an hour later, Ryou was ready to fall asleep, leaning his head back against the soft exterior of the couch. His eyes fought to stay open, but they eased closed and he sank into a fragile slumber, which was soon shattered by a chant in a slurred, illegible tongue as Malik burst from his hiding place, a white bed sheet wrapped around his waist and a staff like stick in hand. He banged his staff hard against the floor and shouted.

"FREEDOM FOR THE ROCKS!" He exclaimed in a proud, dignified voice. Ryou looked on, his eye twitching a bit.

"Um...M-malik?" 

He didn't stop, he just kept chanting. "Freedom for the rocks! Freedom for the rocks!" Over and over again, he chanted, Ryou's confusion growing with each repetition. 

"MALIK!" Ryou exclaimed, Malik stopping his chant to look at his lover with a grin. Along with his toga like outfit, he also wore a strange headpiece, looking as if it were made out of toilet paper and toothpaste, which it was. 

"Yes?" He replied with a smile.

"If I may ask, what are you wearing, doing, and thinking?" 

He chuckled and approached Ryou, bonking him lightly on the head with his staff. "Feebleminded fool!" He shrieked, his toilet paper hat sloshing around on his head. "I am Malik, King of the Rocks!" 

Ryou sweatdropped, placing his hand on Malik's forehead. "Um...hunny? Are you feeling okay?" He didn't a fever, so he had no explanation for Malik's odd behavior. The tanned one's violet danced with triumph as he walked towards the door, Ryou grabbing his arm. "Hun, where in Ra's name are you going?"

"I'm going out to defend the rocks of the world! These rocks must have their equality amongst the white and purple people!" Ryou sweatdropped once more. "Ryou, don't you see? The rocks are people too! They need freedom!!" He stormed out of the house, the ashen haired one only watching with a even more puzzled look on his face. 

"Why do I know this is going to result in either him getting arrested for disturbing the peace or indecent exposure...." 

Malik rampaged the city, picking up all the rocks he could find and stuffing them in toga pocket. He was stared at, pointed at, and laughed at. The children thought he was a blonde version of Bozo, the adults through he was some sort of kidnapper, and the elderly thought he was a martian from a distant planet they had read about in one of their magazines or seen in one of their television programs. The Egyptian waddled around town, until the police fought him and escorted him back home. 

"I'm sorry, officers...he's...he's from another country...his customs are a bit warped." The officers nodded and left Malik in the care of his lover, who did nothing more but smirk as he whispered in Malik's ears. 

"That hat of yours messed up your...now you're all dirty." He kissed Malik's cheek. "It's bath time...."

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This month's moral: Never mention the work 'King' to a bitter Egyptian, longing to be pharaoh....As desperate as he is, that bitter Egyptian may resort to being king of the rocks. 


	2. February: Valentine's Day

Hooray! Monthly Madness is up and running! Valentine's Day this month! Oh, and I forgot to mention...Malik's personality in these stories is how I like seeing him...a goofy, fun loving man. So, yea...the OOCness is on purpose. Well, enjoy MM2!

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DISCLAIMER: I do not own YGO (Kazuki Takahasi owns that), Valentine's Day (Cupid owns that), Yaoiness (Um...all the fangirls own that), and I don't own Malik's insanity (He owns that)

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Monthly Madness 2

February 2004

Valentine's Day

The day was a normal one for the ashen haired one as he left to run a few errands, leaving his Egyptian beauty home alone. He would rarely trust his handsome, though somewhat destructive lover, alone, but this was important. Today was Valentine's Day and Ryou had a few last minute things to do before night feel and the freaks came out to play.

"I'll be back as soon as I can, hun." He kissed his lover's tanned cheek as the Egyptian smiled faintly. "Please, I beg you...no shooting at the neighbor's dog again. It is not target practice." Malik pouted. "No using my good silverware to build forts." He pouted once more. "And, absolutely no having 'Let's See What Goes Down The Toilet First' contests." This depressed Malik, but Ryou only smiled and kissed his forehead. "I'll be home in about three hours. See ya, sweetie." With that, Ryou left and Malik's devilish grin surfaced as he leapt up from his resting place and waddled around the house, finding some necessary things for the day's activities. Today was Malik's day.

"Alright, troops..." He paced in front of his army, speaking diligently. "You heard Ryou...he'll be home in three hours. That doesn't give us that much time to plan the perfect Valentine's Day for him!" He eyed his troops. "LOOK ALIVE, MEN!" He exclaimed as one solider, a mop, fell lifelessly to the ground. Malik rolled his eyes. _It's so hard to find good help these days. _He continued to speak. "Cleaning crew!" He pointed to a broom, a bottle of Windex, and the fallen mop. "You are in charge of making the place spotless for when Ryou comes home." He eyed the fallen mop with a sneer. "And, I expect all of you to pull your weight." He then moved on to the second defense against anything going wrong that night. "Cooking crew, your job is to assist me in making the best meal ever for my love." The two pots, forks, spoons, and spatula looked like a lively bunch as Malik smiled. "Am I understood? Do we all know our assignments?"

Silence.

"How did I know I was gonna end up doing this alone?" With that, Malik took off to perform the rarely seen 'Flight Of The Winged Dragon' cleaning maneuver that was deadly to both the performer and the audience. The blonde one cleaned top to bottom, even going as far as to sweep all the dust under the rugs. He only wanted the best for Ryou. Every so often between cleaning, he would work with the cooking crew, preparing a meal fit for a king (Or a pharaoh, if going by the Egyptians), a chicken the size of Ryou's head, basted in a special marinade from his homeland (Which was basically just a jazzed up version of ketchup). He popped the bird in the oven and finished cleaning with an hour to spare, which was just enough time for the chicken to cook. Satisfied with his work, he plopped down on the couch and yawned, rubbing his eyes childishly. 

"I deserve a five minute nap before Ryou gets home." He looked around the dwelling, which was decently clean. Malik rested his head against the cushion and yawned once more, his violet orbs slowly closing. The Egyptian drifted into a peacefully sleep. _This is going to be the best Valentine's Day ever..._

~*~

"Malik! Malik! The house is on fire!" A voice awoke the Egyptian from his blissful sleep as his eyes opened only to see billowing clouds of gray smoke coming from the kitchen. The voice that came from the kitchen belonged to a scared Ryou, whose auburn orbs trembled in fear. Malik leapt up from his resting place and ran into the kitchen, fighting his way through the heavy smoke. He knew what it was and a panicked expression filled his violet orbs as he tore the oven open, pulling out the prized bird that was now the size of an M+M on a steroid overdose. Malik whimpered and stared at the dysfunctional bird, Ryou coming up behind him and wrapping his arm around Malik's shoulder. 

"What's wrong, hun? And, what the heck is that?"

"It's--" He frowned, looking to Ryou with a tear stricken expression. "It's the dinner I made you." 

Ryou's jaw dropped as the most sincere of looks swept across his face as he huggled his love. "Awwww...sweetie, you didn't have to make me anything."

"But--but, it's Valentine's Day and..."

"Shush..." He kissed the tanned one's lips gently. "The only thing that matters it we're together." 

Malik frowned and pulled away from his lover's grasp as he voice perked up only slightly. "There still is one thing I can make..."

~*~

"Malik, that was the best bowl of Fruity Pebbles I ever had." Ryou licked his lips, tasting the final bits of milk that clung. The Egyptian frowned, feeling that he disgraced his love by feeding him ceral. 

"But, Ryou...that chicken I made was gonna be really good..."

"This was better." Ryou smiled and kissed his lover's cheek. Malik blushed ever so slightly and at the very moment, he remembered something. He jumped up from his seat and ran to the bedroom, as the pallid one only watched on. _He's an odd one...._

Silence reigned for but a few moments before a loud crash and a few bangs were heard. Ryou could only image what his hunny as doing in there. Suddenly, the bedroom door swung open as Malik's bronzed hand peeked out, signaling Ryou to enter the room. He hesitated, but rose and walked over to the door, only peeking in. Before he knew it, the ashen haired one was pulled into the secluded room, the door locking shut behind him. Before Ryou's chestnut eyes lay a romantic scene. Lit candles surrounded the couples water bed and Malik lay in the middle of this scene, shirtless. The faint light from the candles glistened off his muscle tinted chest. 

Malik rose and walked over to his lover, wrapping his arms tightly around him. "Let's make this a night to remember." He whispered as he pulled Ryou down with him onto the bed. Unfortunately, the Egyptian had no coordination and outstretched his arms as he fell, hitting one of the dressers that hosted a few candles. The candles wobbled for a second and fell, landing on the water bed The heat caused the mattress of water to pop, a wave of nuke warm water crashing over the two bodies. Ryou's bushy ashen locks flopped over his eyes, a stern look swept across his pale face. Malik only looked on with an embarrassed smile, his blonde tresses carressing his dampened face. He chuckled nervously, then pouted. 

"I'm so sorry, Ryou...I can't do anything right." He curled into a ball of damp clothing and a tear streaked face. Ryou pouted and rung out his ashen locks as he crawled over to the love of his life, kissing his soft cheek.

"Don't say that, hunny...I know you're trying..." 

Malik rose and walked out of the room. He returned minutes later with a single red rose in his hand. "Ryou, my love, this whole day was a disaster. I tried to make this the best Valentine's Day ever and I screwed up. So, this is all I have to offer you." He held out the rose to Ryou, and he took it with a loving smile on his face. Malik pouted as Ryou set the rose down and leapt up, pinning Malik against the bedroom door.

"Well, you gave me my gift." He kissed Malik's neck. "Now, it's my turn." He viciously molested Malik's neck with his lips as the Egyptian purred. Maybe I should fuck up more often. 

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This Month's Moral: Though Valentine's Day is supposed to be a day of love and expressing that love, talking to inanimate objects, burning food, and popping water beds can also be a part of this joyous day.


	3. April: April Fools Day

::Sobs:: I didn't mean to miss March, gomen! I just knocked this one off in 1 day...and I'm 2 minutes late for April Fools Day! I can't go anything right!!!!! ::Cries:: Anyway...enjoy Monthly Madness...3...no...4!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Malik or Ryou...damns it all...

**Monthly Madness 4**

April 2004

April Fools Day 

"AHHHH!" Screamed the ashen haired one as he jumped back about ten feet, bumping into the door. On his bed, he saw his lover, red liquid glistening off his bare, ecru chest. He was thrown carelessly on the bed, like a torn and tattered rag doll. Ryou let the tears roll down his face as he threw himself over his lover, wrapping his arms around his corpse. Sobbing hysterically, he whimpered into his lover's bloodied chest. "M-malik...speak to me...Malik..."

"Yes?" A deep, hoarse voice called out as cold, dead hands wrapped around Ryou's pallid figure. With a shriek, the British one jumped back again, only to hear a flourish of laughter as his thought to be dead boyfriend rose, cackling insanely. "APRIL FOOLS!"

Ryou was hyperventilating at the time of Malik's uproar. Looking up into his violet orbs, he walked over to him slowly, gazed into his eyes lovingly, and kicked him in the ankle. "Damn you, Malik!" The Egyptian continued to roll around on the bed, cackling hysterically.

"Ryou, you shoulda seen your face!"

"Shut up!"

"Oh...Oh Ra..." He fought to catch his breathe as he slid his sleek tan fingers along his collarbone, bringing the scarlet clad fingers to his mouth, licking off the contents. "Ketchup...always a personal favorite of mine." He grinned and wrapped his arm around Ryou's neck, the ashen haired one trying to inch away.

"Ha, ha, ha...very funny..." Ryou said bitterly, tearing away from Malik's seductive grip. "You know, you're so immature."

His blonde locks caressed his face as he beamed, his smile lighting up the room a bit. Ryou couldn't stay mad at that face, and he knew it, which was his weakness. He knew he could never resist though pastel, lilac orbs and that gentle smile. Oh, that face he had loved since the beginning, which was now thet face that was tinted scarlet from hysterical cackling. 

"I'm sorry, Ry Ry." He ran his fingers through his hair, staining the ashen with a tint of red from the ketchup blood which was smeared amongst his neck and arms. "Oh," He chuckled. "I'm sorry, hun." 

"Oh, Malik! Do you know how long it's going to take to get this out?" Groaned he, the ashen haired one, as he waddled himself over to the mirror that hung in the bathroom, combing his fingers through his thick mats of hair. Standing behind him was his Egyptian god, as he picked up a strand of Ryou's hair between his fingers.

"Well, look at it this way, maybe we can take you to a farm and get it sheered, sheep boy."

His auburn eyes widened as he looked back to Malik, an eyebrow cocked. His head tilted to the right as his lips parted, speaking in a low, whispery, and slightly confused tone. "Sheep boy?" The bewildered expression never left his face as he wrapped his alabaster fingers around one of the thick stands of hair that hung over his shoulder, playing with it absentmindedly. "W-what do you mean by 'Sheep boy', Malik?" 

"Ryou, look at that mop on your head...It looks like you have a flock of sheep up there that got into a tub of hair gel." Ryou's bottom lip quivered, and Malik wrapped his arms around hi lover, hugging him tightly. "But, I love my sheep."

__

Sheep? I'm a sheep now, am I? Oh, I'll show you, Malik Ishtar...I'll show you...

~*~

Malik sat alone on the touch, playing his Game Boy. His hands jerked back and forth as he muttered curses under his breathe. His fingers moved rapidly against the buttons as his voice grew louder, still cursing the damned machine.

"Damn you, Mario! You little Italian bastard! When I press jump, you jump! Don't make me stick that Yoshi thing up your ass..." The poor Egyptian had no time for this contraption, as just as he was about to toss the purple Game Boy across the room, he heard the door open. His eyes traced up to the chestnut door and as if he were a happy puppy, he bounded over to the door to see his lover standing with a grand smile, wearing a hat. Tilting his head, Malik's eyes never left the baseball cap on Ryou's head. Batting it like a curious kitten, he asked.

"What in the Shadow Realm is that?"

"It's just a hat, Malik. No big deal..." Ryou walked past his love, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. Scratching his head, Malik was dumbfounded by Ryou's new attitude. When he had left a few hours earlier, his bottom lip quivered and his eyes seemed glazed over. He scampered over to his lover, tugging on his shirtsleeve. 

"What's with the hat, Ry Ry?" 

"Nothing, Mal Mal."

_Mal Mal? _He scratched his head further as Malik continued to follow and pester Ryou about that hideous hat. After a few more minutes, Malik couldn't take it anymore. The curiousness got to him and with a swift grab, the Egyptian grabbed at the hat until its material rested firmly in his hands.

"Ha ha! Got....it...." His voice trailed off as his violet eyes widened at the sight that lay before him, a scary sight that both chilled him and frightened him in so many ways. "R-r-r-r-r-you...what happened to the...the...the POOF!" With his hands, he motioned large spikes that used to be atop Ryou's head, but before him, he stood bald. Ryou grinned and rubbed his head.

"I kinda like it, Malik. Less to comb." Ryou shrugged it off and walked into the bedroom with a gentle, carefree smile. Malik's eyes widened to the size of two dilated M&Ms on massive amounts of steroids. The tan one followed the pale one into the room and began to rant.

"RYOU! THE HAIR AND THE WHERE THE HELL DID IT GO?! I WANT MY SHEEP BACK!"

Suddenly, Ryou started to giggle. Malik, who was now on his knees in tears, looked up at his lover.

"What's so funny?"

With slow movements, Ryou lifted a hand to his bald head and yanked on the skin. It stretched and contorted until it...came off? Yes! Malik looked on in amzement as the balding head transformed into a flourishing mop of white. 

"April Fools, jerk." Ryou grinned and hugged his lover tightly. "Revenge is sweet, isn't it?"

"Shut up..." Malik muttered as he started to nibble on Ryou's newly born mop. The Egyptian pushed Ryou down on the bed, crawling on top of him with a seductive way of his hips. "Now...let's make this little sheep bleat..." 

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This Month's Moral: Never, and I mean never ruin hair as nice as Ryou Bakura's. I mean, sheep are nice, right? So, never threaten a pointy hairstyle, in fear of a tan Egyptian throwing a major hissy fit. 


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